Sometimes I think that I’m in love with the idea of being in love. I rarely go out, and next to never go out on dates. When it comes to introducing myself to a potential date, I’m way too shy, and self conscious. Usually, I’ll mentally act out the scene of me trying to talk to her and getting shot down, and figure that is about how it would go and I never say a word to the actual woman. On the rare occasion that I do talk to a woman and we get along, date, etc. I will completely go overboard, I get ga-ga for her and wind up doing something stupid and running her off. Apparently, I fall in love too easily. I have always chalked this up to being “girl retarded”. I think I need to try to figure out how to reign in my feelings, keep them on a very short leash. I thought I had done that after the fiasco of seven years ago, but I guess that all the fiasco did was to keep me leery of making friends. So, yeah, I think I need to stop being the nice guy, and learn to be more callous. I also need to learn to embrace rejection, and not to fear it. Rejection is part of life, and as much as I imagine getting rejected I should probably go out and experience some real life rejection. Maybe I should plan on doing that sometime in the near future. I’m half tempted to just give up on the whole dating thing and resign myself to being alone for the rest of my life. Honestly that is not sounding so bad as it used to. So I need to decide to either go out and get some real life rejection and let that callous my heart, or just say to hell with it. Ahh, decisions, decisions….
|
[Listening to: Epiphany - Mushroomhead - XX ]
3 Responses to “In search of an Epiphany”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment. Login » |
Entries (RSS)
You’d be surprised at how resilient your heart can be. Sure it sucks to be rejected, or to have unrequited love for a “friend”, but at least you can’t say you never took a chance. Rest assured, “girl retardation” is not a permanent disability, and you’ll find a girl just for you. =P
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. -Emerson
Matchmaker’s Lament
Alas, I am running out of single women to hook nice guys up with. One’s in Boston 99% of the time, another just found a boyfriend, and yet another just got engaged.
You’re an intelligent, attractive guy. We’ll see what we can do.