“A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed kills its consumer.” Dr. Gro Harlem Brundtland
Posted by Monkeymanx in Personal, Weird shit
I’ve been getting mail, not email mind you but actual physical letters and stuff from Marlboro. Yes the cigarette company. I don’t smoke. Ok, I do when I’m on fire and sometimes when I’m drunk. But I’m not what you’d call a smoker, not even a casual or social smoker. Not that I have anything against it, if someone wants to blacken their lungs let ‘em. But I digress… For a few years now Marlboro has been sending me coupons and little gifts for my birthday. The first time I got something form them, I just tossed thinking it was for someone else or a mass mailer. I think I did this until I got a little box from Marlboro. I thought this was a very brazen marketing campaign if they were sending cigarettes to random people, but it turns out the box had Beef Jerky in it and a birthday card. I was creeped out! Even though I know my birthday is public record, why was Marlboro sending me gifts? What creeped me out more was after I moved, I kept getting stuff, at my new address. These fuckers were following me! Shit, I had to tell the Department of Public Service I had moved to I could get a new license, but Phillip Morris knew I had moved and adjusted already. WTF!? It’s creepy. I received something in the mail from them yesterday, and it puzzled Candy. So I had to tell her the same story I just typed out. Well, I went to the rather bland PhillipMorris.com and sent the customer service (at least I hope it gets to customer service or whoever it needs to get to so that I will stop getting shit from them) and email. Of course I have only received one of those automated confirmation “we got your email” emails. So we’ll see what happens.
Update:
Well, it looks like I’ve run into the bureaucracy I expected. I received the following letter a few days ago, and I have yet to follow up on it.
Thank you for contacting Philip Morris USA.
Although we are anxious to respond to you, we regret that we are unable to communicate about our promotional offers and events via e-mail.
The purpose of our website is to share information about our company and our issues. Therefore, we have not included any brand imagery, or mention of our various promotional offers or brand-sponsored events, nor are we able to respond to e-mail inquiries about these topics. This is because it is not our intention to market, advertise or promote our cigarette brands on our site.
However, we will be pleased to respond to inquiries about these subjects over the phone. Please check the list below to determine the appropriate consumer service department:
If you are an adult smoker with inquiries about Marlboro promotions, including order inquiries, catalog requests, coupons and mailing list information:
1-800-MARLBORO (1-800-627-5267) Sunday through Saturday, during the hours of 9am to Midnight, Eastern Time.
If you are an adult smoker with inquiries about any of our other cigarette brands, including information about promotional offers, catalogs, coupons and mailing list information:
Basic: 1-800-588-3999
Benson & Hedges: 1-800-223-6766
Cambridge: 1-800-335-7444
Merit: 1-800-884-5777
Parliament: 1-800-494-6444
Virginia Slims: 1-800-868-9327
Consumer Affairs
Philip Morris USA
So now it is up to me to call them? I guess I will sometime soon. That or I could just let them keep wasting money on me, not that it would affect them in anyway. When I get around to calling, I’ll let ya know what happens.
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LOL, nice music for that story.
Oddly enough, my work wife came in today with almost the same diatribe.
Let us know what their reply is. I’m sure it’ll be something weird, at the very least it’ll be amusing.