Once again I bought into the hype about a movie. Beav, Kim and her kids, Candy and I went and saw Cloverfield on Sunday. I was expecting the 90s Godzilla meets Blair Witch. I was not disappointed, but neither was I surprised. Some people said that they got motion sick watching the movie, I didn’t have that problem, but I could see how some people might.
There may be some spoilers ahead: you have been warned.
The movie goes from boring to hectic/quasi-exciting. But it was about 75% boring. Apparently Rob is going to Japan for his job, and his friends are having a going away party for him. The camera is given to a friend of his and he documents the night (and almost the whole “ordeal” of the film).
The party footage is boring, and about as fun to watch as your aunt Esther’s trip to the Grand Canyon home video. I realize that the film makers wanted this to feel “real” but I go to the movies to escape reality, not to watch home movies.
I felt no emotion connection with any of the characters in the movie, nor with the monster(s) for that matter. Anyway, this party footage goes on for 15-20 minutes, and then things start to happen. An earthquake/tremor, a huge explosion, and the Statue of Liberty’s head flying across New York. All of which is never explained. Then there are glimpses of the monster as it knocks down buildings, and sends dust and debris raining down. We get to see a shot that looks like an homage to the dust cloud shot we all saw on September 11, 2001. All the while everyone is confused as to what is going on, including the audience.
I could go on with the plot, but I won’t in case some of you plan on seeing the movie.
Now to the reason I went to see the movie… the monster! I know why they decided to have the monster(s) be a big secret. They suck ass. They looked like rejects from “The Mist“. There is one Godzilla sized monster that drops a lot of smaller monsters. The smaller monsters are about the size of a German Sheppard I’d say. The smaller monsters made me laugh with the goofy noises they made while trying to attack people. Both the larger and smaller monsters appeared to have been based on insects. If they were gonna do that, they should have just re-made “Them“. Anyway, the monsters are not worth the price of admission, in my opinion. Remember that horrible Godzilla remake in the 90s? Godzilla in that (and all the little Godzukis) are cooler than the monsters in Cloverfield. Actually that Godzilla movie is a better movie than Cloverfield.
To sum up, 75% of the movie is boring “home movie” footage, even when they are on the run/trying to escape/save everyone/whatever it’s still pretty boring. The “scary” parts are really predictable, and the Monsters were not very good. Probably the thing I liked best about the movie is that it was short, just at one hour and thirty minutes.
A lot of reviewers are saying it’s an “experience”, an experience in boredom. Don’t buy into the hype: avoid Cloverfield.
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