Disjointed Digression

Yesterday Candy and I had an IM conversation about the weather that went like this:
     candy: it is pouring here
     me: oh?
     me: have no idea if its raining here or not
     candy: your office doesn’t have a window?
     me: that is correct no window
     me: its like a man cave at work

It is somewhat like a man cave at work because my office mate and I don’t turn on the lights, unless we have visitors, or need them to do non computer work.

I checked on weather.com to see if it was raining where I work, and got the following information:

What the hell does that mean?  Are they using the magic 8 ball of meteorology or something? I was tempted to refresh (the digital equivalent of shaking the magic 8 ball) and see what it said.  I probably would have gotten “reply hazy, try again.”  It just struck me as funny that Showers were in the vicinity.

I think I had heard some of Carlin’s material before I bought Class Clown, but I hadn’t paid much attention to it.  I was a young college student, who pretended to be offended by how many times Carlin said fuck as a friend played one of Carlin’s tapes in in my friends mother’s van that we borrowed to go to Louisiana to see a comic book writer, but I digress.  A few months down the road from that fake offense, I decided I’d give ol’ George a try. My parents had mentioned “The Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television”  before, so I looked at all the Carlin comedy tapes in the music store in the mall and found one that had that on it.  Class Clown.  The copyright was from the year I was born.  I played the tape on the way home from the mall, and remember laughing out loud through most of it.  After that I bought many of his tapes, or borrowed them from friends (I was a poor college student).  One year, in the early 90’s for my birthday, a friend gave me front row tickets to see George when he came though my home town.  I remember that the next two days after that show that my face hurt from smiling and laughing so much.  I can’t say I was a rabid Carlin fan, but I really dug his work.  I thought he was great in Dogma, how ironic that someone who said “Religion is just mind control.” played a Catholic Cardinal.  I still need to watch Jersey Girl, I hear he is good in that too.  And there all those HBO gigs that he did.  I remember reading once that he performed something like 320 nights a year, and this was around 2000 or 2001.  In my opinion he was the hardest working comedian out there.

Carlin had, for lack of a better term, a way with words. He once said “I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. They’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion.” I believe that they were also his art.  He was a word artist of the highest caliber.  The way he thought and talked was amazing.  Sometimes he came across as coarse or possibly offensive, but he was always funny.  Using his words as a rapier to pierce thought the absurdness of life and point out the funny truth.

 A true comic legend, George Carlin will be sorely missed.

I’m sure he’s having some good laughs wherever he is.

R.I.P George

So I was reading Digg the other day, and came across an article about a suspected serial killer that was leaving a smiley face as a calling card. 

The Article, which I must admit I did not read the whole thing (more about that in a minute), is about  how there is apparently a serial killer in the north-east and north-central(?) who is killing white male college students and leaving the smiley face somewhere at/near the body.  Since I figured my curiosity was as morbid as the next persons’ (unless that next person is Candy, which is usually the case, who has shelves of books on serial killers and crime) I clicked on the link and started to read the article.  Near the top of the article was a link (the second link next to a picture showing one of the victims in the prime of his life) Interactive Map of victims possibly linked by the investigation. It’s using Google maps as the basis for the interactive map, and they have added pictures of the victims to it.  But, and here’s what gave me the creeps, it also has (and I don’t know if it is just something they could not turn off, or if they put on there intentionally) driving directions to the locations the bodies were found.  I didn’t read any more once I realized that you could plan a whole trip around visiting sites where a serial killers victims were found. Not that this has not been thought of before… anyone else remember that movie in the early 90’s with David Duchovny, Brad Pitt, and Juliette Lewis… Kalifornia?  Where Duchovny’s character and his girlfriend were trekking across the US to sites of famous serial killings for a book or something and Pitt and Lewis joined them as the result of some paper thin plot device, only to find out that Pitt was a serial killer.  That was the first movie I remember seeing Brad Pitt in, and I thought "What’s the big deal? Why are the women so crazy for him?" But I digress…

Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age or something, but I just found it distasteful that you could use a website to get driving directions to where murder victims were found.

As you may have noted, there is a considerable gap in my blogging. While most of the you may have regarded this as Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) from me (SOB), there is actually a reason behind the lapse from November to January. Candy and I made a big commitment in December. We bought a house.

We closed on December 20th and moved in the 2nd week of January. The first week of January, Candy and her parents put down laminate floors. I had to work most of that week, and from what Candy says, it was a good thing I wasn’t around to see her have to deal with her mother. But as she said when I came home from work each day “No one is dead, in jail or even bleeding.” I did help some with the floor, but the credit goes to Candy and her parents, as they did 90% of the work. They put down laminate in every room except the kitchen, utility room and the two bathrooms. When all was finished, it looked great! When someone asks about doing it, we tell them “yes, it does look great! If you want to do it in your house, hire someone to do it!”
We decided that we would hire movers to only move “the big stuff” the couch, beds, bookshelves, etc. So we moved boxes and boxes and carload after carload to the house, and at the end of that, I think that next time (which I hope is many many years away) we will pay some one to move all of our stuff.

Now for my excuse on why I haven’t updated the blog (other than being lazy) since Jan 21… I started a new job Feb 11th. I’m now working at Texas State University in San Marcos. I really like it, the only problem is the 60 mile commute each way.

Listening to Pantera – I’ll Cast A Shadow on Far Beyond The Great Southern Cowboys’ Vulgar Hits! when I wrote this

Once again I bought into the hype about a movie.  Beav, Kim and her kids, Candy and I went and saw Cloverfield on Sunday.   I was expecting the 90s Godzilla meets Blair Witch. I was not disappointed, but neither was I surprised.  Some people said that they got motion sick watching the movie, I didn’t have that problem, but I could see how some people might. 

There may be some spoilers ahead: you have been warned.

 The movie goes from boring to hectic/quasi-exciting.  But it was about 75% boring.  Apparently Rob is going to Japan for his job, and his friends are having a going away party for him. The camera is given to a friend of his and he documents the night (and almost the whole “ordeal” of the film). 

The party footage is boring, and about as fun to watch as your aunt Esther’s trip to the Grand Canyon home video.  I realize that the film makers wanted this to feel “real” but I go to the movies to escape reality, not to watch home movies.

I felt no emotion connection with any of the characters in the movie, nor with the monster(s) for that matter.   Anyway, this party footage goes on for 15-20 minutes, and then things start to happen.  An earthquake/tremor, a huge explosion, and the Statue of Liberty’s head flying across New York.  All of which is never explained.  Then there are glimpses of the monster as it knocks down buildings, and sends dust and debris raining down.  We get to see a shot that looks like an homage to the dust cloud shot we all saw on September 11, 2001.   All the while everyone is confused as to what is going on, including the audience. 

I could go on with the plot, but I won’t in case some of you plan on seeing the movie. 

Now to the reason I went to see the movie… the monster!  I know why they decided to have the monster(s) be a big secret.  They suck ass.  They looked like rejects from “The Mist“.  There is one Godzilla sized monster that drops a lot of smaller monsters.  The smaller monsters are about the size of a German Sheppard I’d say.  The smaller monsters made me laugh with the goofy noises they made while trying to attack people.  Both the larger and smaller monsters appeared to have been based on insects.  If they were gonna do that, they should have just re-made “Them“.  Anyway, the monsters are not worth the price of admission, in my opinion.  Remember that horrible Godzilla remake in the 90s?  Godzilla in that (and all the little Godzukis) are cooler than the monsters in Cloverfield.  Actually that Godzilla movie is a better movie than Cloverfield.

To sum up, 75% of the movie is boring “home movie” footage, even when they are on the run/trying to escape/save everyone/whatever it’s still pretty boring.  The “scary” parts are really predictable, and the Monsters were not very good.  Probably the thing I liked best about the movie is that it was short, just at one hour and thirty minutes.

A lot of reviewers are saying it’s an “experience”, an experience in boredom. Don’t buy into the hype:  avoid Cloverfield.

I apparently have a slight fascination with spam.  Every so often (read as once every 6 months) I’ll go through my spam email folder and make sure that something wasn’t sent there by mistake.  Occasionally I’ll find mis-filtered emails.  99% of it is pure trash: cheap viagra/cialis, herbal versions of viagra/cialis, cheap fake Rolex watches, cheap software, the ones you have come to know and loathe.  A few weeks ago I did get one that was an offer for something to increase the size of my breasts.  Somehow I don’t think that Candy (or anyone else for that matter) would like my moobs to be bigger.  I believe it was Beavis that said “If I had boobs, I’d stay home all day and look at them in the mirror, heh heh heh.” But I digress…

I decided to look into my gmail spam folder and clean it out (I know that it auto cleans itself, but I don’t want to miss something) and I ran across this gem of a subject line:
“Elongate your short sword to fit her scabbard better!”

Spam that is targeted at the D&D and SCA demographic…  You know, I’ve never thought of that part of my anatomy as a sword (short or long, although I guess it would be more of a one hand sword than a two hand claymore… but I digress)  nor have I ever thought of that part of a woman’s anatomy as a scabbard.  Nothing about that part of a woman is leathery and rigid, or at least it shouldn’t be!  If it is she needs to either see a doctor, or stop working in the adult film industry.  I’m digressing again, but what do you expect, the title of the blog mentions digression…

So, I never got past the subject line, I’m sure that they were trying to sell something that I don’t need.  But the double entendre of the subject line did catch my eye, make me giggle, and feel that I need to share it with you.  

I work in a fairly small office.  We have about thirty to forty people.  About ten of those, including myself are men. One of the things that was implemented a few months back was to turn off the lights in the men’s restroom when you leave.  Apparently this was discussed at a sustainability (recycle/reduce energy/save the world) meeting that I missed.  For the most part I abide by this.  If I go in and the lights are out, I turn them out when I leave.  If I go in and the lights are on I’ll leave them on, someone might be in the other stall (we only have 2 stalls) quietly doing the doo or something… 

So today, I was in the restroom, sitting in the second stall, when I hear someone come in.  I think nothing of it.  I will note that for the most part I’m not very loud when I’m on the toilet.   I don’t pay much attention to the guy whizzing or washing afterwards.  What gets my attention is that as he leaves there is a loud CLICK and I’m suddenly crapping in the dark.   Now I was about half way done when I was plunged into darkness.  When I say darkness, I mean it was dark.  The restroom has no windows, only that one light, and after a few minutes, I could vaguely make out a strip of light that was the bottom of the door. All I could do was sigh and finish my business, in the dark.  I was not about to try to get up and turn on the light, as that would require 1) stopping in the middle of what I was doing (not something I wanted to think about) 2) fumbling in the dark to open the stall door, 3) walking over to the light and turning it on, praying no one walks in and sees me with my pants around my ankles shuffling to or from the stall to turn on the lights.  So I finished in the dark and hit the lights before I washed my hands.  I wonder who had turned out the lights…  I’ll never know, and honestly it doesn’t matter, it was just an annoyance.

Rest in peace, you took part of my soul with you, Queue.

In our bedroom we have a bedroom suite that as a corner piece that stands about 3 feet tall with some drawers in it and a large flat top that overhangs the drawers (so that the top will fit with the other pieces of the suite). On top of that corner piece is a TV. Behind the corner piece is a window, but the corner piece does not completely but up against it so there is a small amount of room between the back of the corner piece and the window.

What we found out is that the small space is kitty sized. One night Loki jumped from the bed to another part of the bedroom suite and walked down to inspect the TV. We put him back on the floor, but he just did it again. Candy said “I just know he’s gonna fall back behind the TV.” Which meant behind the corner piece. The next day I walk into the bedroom to get something and I see a furry face peeking out from a crack between the corner piece and another chest of drawers in the bedroom suite. Loki had fallen back there. There was actually quite a bit of room for him to move about back there. I called Candy in to help me get the crazy little cat. I could almost reach him, but he did not want to be picked up. Candy had to jingle a cat toy to get Loki close enough for me to grab him.

As I was trying to get Loki close enough to pull him out from behind the furniture, I noticed that he had almost been completely devoured by dust bunnies. He had dust and cobwebs all over him! After we extracted him safely, Candy brushed off most of the dust and cobwebs with her hand, then asked me to hold him. “Where are you going?” I asked, holding a squirming cat.

“To get a lint roller” she told me.

I was afraid that the lint roller would wind up pulling most if not all the hair from the poor kitty. but I kept my mouth shut. Candy came in with held lint roller and began running it briskly over the cat. Loki was not happy about this, but I don’t think it actually pulled any hair out. After short but vigorous session with the lint roller we let Loki go. Loki is fine, but we think (and maybe hope) that he is too traumatized to get back there again.

It appears that some of the new Harry Potter books were misprinted.  As in they are missing some pages.  Some were missing as many as 30 pages.

From the article:
“Printing and distributing 12 million copies of a book is a Herculean task, and it is not surprising that some books would have printing errors,” Scholastic spokeswoman Sara Sinek said in a statement.”

She said that as of Tuesday, the company had only heard of “a few hundred” instances of books with missing pages.

Sinek said Scholastic is happy to replace any book with a defect and advised customers to take defective books back to the place where they were purchased.

Leanne Greer, 36… said she finished reading page 306, then discovered the next 33 pages of the book were missing.

“I just kind of freaked out,” said Greer, a Purdue University graduate with degrees in elementary education and English. “My husband said, ‘Why are you screaming?’ He said ‘I thought one of the kids was hurt.’”

Luckily for Greer, she had a backup for her store-bought copy; she had ordered another copy online.

“I’m just that psychotic about it,” she said.

I think this line sums it up “I’m just that psychotic about it”. 

I’ll admit I read the first book and I watched the second movie.  Oddly enough I can’t make it through the first movie, or the second book. The only reason I read the book/saw the movie was because the woman I was dating at the time was really into Harry Potter.  So I was being supportive, and no, I was not doing research for some sort of sexual roleplaying! I don’t need to wear a pointy hat and hold a wand in the bedroom!  But I digress… 

The lady mentioned in the article bought a “back-up” copy of a book.  It’s not like she couldn’t go to her nearest Evil Wal-Mart(™) and pick up another copy, or just take the damaged one back to where she bought it, if she wasn’t keeping it as a collectors item.

My theory that people are fucking nuts is being confirmed more and more each day!